Mistakes anonymous

Another busy season, another city, another failed relationship, another experience to make or break me. This was the first time in probably two years that I have taken the time to read what I wrote and actually reflected it on. God bless Toastmasters for forcing me to write something interesting about myself - naked and alone for the whole club to see. It is my first meeting being the Toastmasters and I wanted to talk about my experience in Cambodia. The problem: I could barely recollect it. Good thing I stumbled on this blog that I wrote during my time in Hong Kong. 

As scary as it seems to have a permanent account of your history somewhere in the cyber world, it is soothing to know that it will always be there for you through any circumstance. It certainly saved my ass when trying to write something for my opener speech. 

I have three more weeks until I am home in Calgary. I am happy knowing that I have a happy, healthy, solid network waiting for me back home. At the same time, I am nervous in having too high an expectation of what I remember things to be like. Although I remain the same Vania, I have a feeling I will not be the same Vania as when I left to embark on the new city. I cannot deny that I have not made any decisions that will haunt me yet push me to the next level for the rest of my life. However, to not be able to summarize what I have learned over the past few months would be nothing more than trying to prove something to my ego which I refuse to abide by. 

Love - take a risk and know when enough if enough. Part of me feels like I stayed too long for the sake of staying safe. At the same time, if I didn't take the chance in moving out here, I would not have been pushed to the outer edges of my capacity to become bi-polar. I have not known love as much as this period, yet, I have never cried as the result of love as I have being out here. It really emphasizes that yes opposites attract, but without common values it will be difficult to keep it going. I want to remember that yes love is beautiful and it is BLIND. You cannot be a being for someone without being able to be the person you want to be for yourself. 

Career - people here are one word - WORKAHOLICS. I have never been pushed to such limits of what I can handle than being in this city. In a way, it is a mixed blessing because if you can survive this type of environment, you can survive in most places. It somewhat questions the work to live or live to work mentality but what if there was a medium which put the two together. Where you do something because you want to survive but you do it because it makes you genuinely happy every single day. I do not know what the next few months will hold for me, all I need to do is pass my exam but wouldn't it be grand if I could get some clarity over this? 

Relationships - they are tough especially opening your vulnerability to trust and finding out it is not what it's cracked up to be and it was somewhat a lie. But, you live and learn, you realize the naiveness of your decisions and then looking back wish you could have put your guard up sooner. I think I have learned that most people are good but for those that might come off too genuine at first, it is better to leave things unsaid and keep a friendly distance until it is suitable to let your guard down. I let mine down too early and got burned very bad. 

Friendships - these are the ones that will keep you on your feet for the rest of your life so cherish them. You never know when you will need the pick up but when you do, you want to know that there will be a helping hand there for you so always always cherish those close to you every single day. These will be the people that will offer (potentially some) judgment but for the most part, they will be your backbone through this roller-coaster of life.